To try or not to try.?

There are things in life that sometimes you cannot change but can choose to live with or without it. You choose what you would like to do about the situation and how to work your way around it. Me, I try my hardest to change things then get upset if I can't and wouldn't stop until I do. But when do you know enough is enough and that your spending way then enough time trying to change something that simply isn't changing that is ending with the same results every time. I don't like to give up on things or people I love but do I give up because it or he/she isn't changing? Sometimes it's smart to give it a rest so you maintain your sanity but what happens if the task at hand is in reality the only thing that makes you sane? What do you do from there? Only logical thing I see is changing the way you think. But how can u change the way you think after working so long willing to change you and your situation? Believe me if I can change the way I think under just 24 hours. I would. Ever heard that saying don't help other people if they don't wanna help themselves? That's how I'm feeling at the moment. Steady trying to change someone who I see potential in, that has asked me to change and willingly did it for them, but what happens if they wouldn't change for you?

You There?

How can you really tell if someone is listening you? Do they tell you they're listening? Do they ask questions in return to start a conversation to really understand where your coming from? Do they look so deep into your eyes while you speak that you feel their listening to your soul? The answer is YES. They do. Lately I feel I speak so the words come out and float through thin air. I want to feel the words I'm speaking are not only being heard, but understood. Understood by the person I love, the people I dislike, the people I don't even know. I have a voice, beautiful, concerned, loud, truthful. I want to tell my story to those who care, to those who would love to know, people who would have concern in what I say enough to speak back.
I want to be asked questions, I want to know you are listening, I want to know that you care, and I would love to know if someone is really there.

Change.

SO... February 14th I became officially "off the market". My hubby baby proposed to me.

Anywho, right after that on the 18th (the same week) he left me to go on vacation to LA, partying, having a good ol time without me around.... which i HATED.!
I couldn't bare him being away from me for 5 days. I have trust issues with guys, so this killed me inside.. literally. I haven't ate a full meal, or slept for more then 3- 4 hours. I'm empty inside without him. Today is the day he comes back and i don't know whether to question his fidelity or trust his words. He has; in my opinion, ... been acting shady during his time away. & I think someone you recently get engaged to is supposed to know whats going on, how they're feeling, how their day went, etc... But while his time away i think i spoke to him in total about 1 hour. Which I'm concerned about. I tried to talk to him everyday about the way i felt about not talking and did not take it into consideration. So I'm here stuck on my decision to continue this engagement.
He was supposed to make sure i had no doubt while we was apart. He was supposed to call me every night before bed and call every morning when he awoke. What makes him being thousands miles away make it any different from any other day. He changed up as soon as he left. I didn't appreciate it one bit. I cried to maybe fill up 2 gallons and was an emotional wreck.
Yes, i do think he cheated. Yes, I do think he wasn't where he told me where he was supposedly was at. Yes, I have major insecurity issues with him, and the most important of them all , YES, I think he lied. I don't know what about but i do have a enormous hunch that he was untruthful.
I miss him extremely too much to be mad, because he iss coming back home TO ME. But the thought of his being untrustworthy kills me. Its been eating inside to just put his vacation behind us. But why... I settle for what he has told me , i feel i have lost. Lost the battle of finding out the truth. If i let go of his unappreciated actions , he will do it again. How would he learn? What exactly have I learned? Nothing. Not a damn thing. We would go about our day acting like things are okay when in all reality .. It will never be the same. I will look at him with such hate for treating me the way he did during this weekend. , and he will not know. Only because he should have heard me out while we was apart and while i need to talk and express myself to him. If I'm going to be his, I'm supposed to be his 24 hours a day no matter the difference of time frame were in. He will be back in a couple of hours theen will show concern and will want to know whats on my mind, how i am feeling, what are my thoughts and emotions. Its not fair to have to finally after 5 days to speak on his term, on his time. I refuse to speak my feelings with someone who has become such a stranger. Someone who has turned into someone i do not recognize anymore.
This is the first time i ever felt like someone i loved so much tore my heart right out of my chest subliminally. Everyone who had done me dirty let it be known. With no remorse, with no conscious, without thinking how i felt. But i feel the man i love now did it like it was nothing wrong. Like there would be no consequence. Like he knows I will not go anywhere because of what we've been though, because he put a ring on my finger that feels like was only meant for me to act accordingly. I thought it was supposed to be both ways when a guy feels he has chosen the right woman to spend the rest of his life with, his best friend, the only person who will truly know him inside out.
How am i supposed to feel when i cant trust anyone around me with my feelings and thoughts and the only one i want to speak to is no where around?, wasn't around, didn't try to be around, didn't care to be around. Am i supposed to go forward with the way i used to feel or go on how i feel now? I'm so confused, lost, not here, out of my element. He isn't taking blame for his actions so what am i supposed to do? I do not want to mess this up, because of my insecurities, buuuutt he had to make sure that i was okay at all times. o_O and didn't have no worries. But.... all i did was worry. Which sucks big time because i will not get over how he treated me while we was away.
The time is only getting closer to the time he lands and I'm still stuck on which emotion i will ride out with. What if i find a new number? What if i don't, but still don't believe he was faithful. There's so many questions and concerns i have with this man i feel like just screaming, punching, slapping, just plain ol fighting because it will be the only way i will feel i can get all my frustration out on the person who put it there :(
I feel i need advice about this situation, because I've been the lost-est I've ever been about something that is so important and serious to me, that i have no control over. And will never have control over.

So question is... How can I redeem my faith with someone i cannot imagine living without, someone I will continue loving for the rest of my life, someone i cannot breathe without, but at the same time, someone i cannot seem to fully trust?

Love.

Someone asked me... "How do you know your in love?"
So I'll answer that with this...

"I don't know, I just KNOW".
;*

CBB

CBB stands for created by beauty. I put this team together for girls like me who maybe have trouble finding girl friends, who can't trust a bitch but deep down at least wants a ride or die bitch. I know damn well its hard for me to find friends who I can trust, and maybe if I find girls who want the same thing I want I can create a family. Growing up we all know we had a other girls hate on us not even knowing us, maybe it was the way we dressed, the way we spoke, the way our face looked when we wasn't feeling our surroundings, or maybe they was just plain hating on you cause they wanted to. And i feel There's a certain beauty in being a lone wolf. You have more time to do things you want to do. But i know being one who walks alone can be lonely. To get to the point You don't have to be a superstar to be fun. You don't even have to do cartwheels. You do need to be positive and friendly, however, so that people feel good when they're around you. && that's the kind of people that we're looking for...A FAMILY CREATED BY BEAUTY.

I came up with this one day last May sitting in my living room bored talking to my boyfriend about not having any girlfriends.. his reply was simply... go out and get some. And that's exactly what I did. I went through my Myspace friends and sent the above info to every girl who had no pictures with other girls. I my mind i was thinking most likely they didn't have girls and come to find out I was right. I'm not saying I didn't get turned down by more than 95% of the girls but I tried and that lucky 5% that did say yes, are my sisters now. But damn sure every girl did show me love for coming up with such a great idea even if they didn't want to be in CBB. Its funny because I still am like i don't have friends, i don't have friends... its because I have sisters now.
I am veryyyy proud of myself of what I have accomplished with this group, because what other person is out there putting themselves on front street, without fear of rejection and saying.. "hey you wanna be our sister? You wanna feel beautiful when every other hating girl has told u other wise?"
This isnt a ENT, a gang, a clique.. none of that. Just simply a group of girls coming together with the same understanding. We do come together for events, birthdays, outings, photoshoots, and just random spur of the moment crashing each others house for a quick catching up sometimes. And forget about it when we all do get all together ... ITS CRAZY. We all have different personality's, styles, aspects on life and thats what we all love about eachother.. that we all learn from each other everyday.
With that being said ... We do and still are looking for more girls who feel the same way that we did to become another CBB Beauty, and not just a best friend to 10 other girls; but a sister.

still alittle undecided on who we are ...
check out our youtube page @ Youtube.com/CBBeautys

As you read already I'm very interested in observing people and the way people act, & I do think our horoscopes has a lot to do with it.
NOVEMBER 19, 1988
Likes

Truth

Hidden Causes

Being involved

Work That is Meaningful

Being Persuasive

Dislikes

Being Given Only Surface data

Taken Advantage of

Demeaning Jobs

Shallow Relationships

Flattery and Flattering

Scorpio Women
Scorpio woman is very emotional, very demanding and very demonstrative. She is full of flair and intrigue, a fascinating woman that the strong A-type personality male will adore, for she presents the right amount of challenge with the right amount of rewards. The Scorpio woman is the ultimate seductive, flirtatious woman. She won't give a man her heart very easily because she is weary of trusting another person. The man will have to go through a series of 'mental testes' in order for the relationship to get solid and close. She may not show it, but she wants a close committed relationship. Ion order for this, the man has to be trusted, has to be affectionate and never try to control her. She is very possessive but the Scorpio woman is so full of mystery, sensuality and passion that most men do not mind being possessed by her.

How To Attract A Scorpio
Never be fake with a Scorpio, they can see it a mile away. Be genuine with your comments and listen to them attentively, (they always have something interesting to say so this is never a problem!) Do not try to hide things from them or tease them, they always have to know what is going on. Remember, they are the only ones that are allowed to tease and present the mystery and intrigue! They like frankness and honesty, speak your mind they will respect that. Scorpios are interested in almost all activities, so finding something to do should never be a problem. They are unpredictable and could change course of the date mid-way though so take these last minute changes with a smile and try something different. They like people who are not afraid to ditch a plan and try another. In conversation, do not tell them that their opinions are wrong or shoot them down, they are too proud for this and even if it is a joke, they might not take it with the humor that you meant. Never try to control them but do not be the damsel in distress either, they like strong, real people with driving ambitious personality like theirs.

Sex With A Scorpio
Sex with Scorpio is a total emotional and physical experience with passion and intensity. They have amazing stamina and can last all night long, round after round. Scorpio is the zodiac sign that is the most likely to act out a sexual fantasy. Most people will talk about it but the Scorpio will do it, they will fully throw themselves into the role. Do not suggest a fantasy to a Scorpio unless you plan to do it! Most Scorpios are direct and forceful and they seem to be an expert at what they do. They continue to seduce you even as the act continues. A thrilling experience not for the faint of heart!


You Understood it, You would understand me.
Same as other signs., you read about another person or yourselves sign 98.9 percent its right.
;) enjoy

 more ZODIAC signs

untitled.

Some people focus on money, some people focus on women/ men, some focus on drugs, impressing other people, family, friends. Some people focus on living without a care, and then some people focus on LOVE.
I've come to realize I am guilty of focusing my life around loving, wanting to be loved, finding love, and staying in love.
If always wanting to be in a relationship is bad, then fuck it. I don't mind being wrong. I don't ever recall being single for more than 6 months. Because I hate being alone. And? A lot of people look at me like its wrong to always want to find a new guy after a break up. So what? I find nothing wrong with wanting a man to be there for me and vise versa. I'm such a hopeless romantic. I'm in love with being in love. I never been the type to trust a female with my thoughts, dreams, nor secrets. I find extreme comfort in pouring my feelings out to a man that understands then a judgmental female who doesn't, friend or not. My boyfriends always been my best friends. And currently I feel I'm soaking in my emotional roller coaster of wanting to spill my feelings and thoughts into someone else ears and heart. And the other way around I want to be there for him, I want to know everything about my guy. From every birthmark on his body to every family member in his family. I have so much to say about the crazy shit in my past and I need someone who truly wants to know what those things are. I need him to find joy in uncovering my mysterious ways and find out what lies underneath my what seems to be cool exterior. I need a guy who has been through the same struggle I've had to go through that way we both have mutual respect for one another.
I feel like I can't respect a guy who has have everything handed to him his whole life. That's probably why I'm alone now. I feel so shallow to take my love away from someone who has people already there for them loving them already. I feel like they don't and wont need me if I leave. So I end up leaving. I need to be needed. Period. Just like I need them.

so since LOVE is my focus... Trust me, I'm paying attention.